2014

assalamualaikum bloggers! (eventhough none of the humans in this world has visited my blog except for my boyfriend)

2014, oh yeah! the new year with so much things to endure. hmmm... how am i gonna start this off?

first of all, i seriously love this year. Allah gimme so many things to try this yr. Alhamdulillah, i did it so far - very well (i guess). so, my upper six era. crises and conflicts. nobody is free from that. i have a LOT! dangg, it's a LOT! countless. i dunno how to tell, but it really hurts me.

today, my twenty-second monthsary with my boyfriend. i have 45 minutes before the day ends. yeah, 45 minutes. i'm hurt... i truly hurt. i cry.. at this moment... i cry so bad... it seems like nothing can stop me from crying... bad thing happened yesterday that i lost my phone. yeah, someone has stolen my phone while i was having my history exam in the morning form 8 am to 11 am. how could that person easily took away my phone? there are a lot of me and my boyfriend's photo. i just can't have a look tonight like i always did every month before... my heart beats so fast. my Sinoatrial Node generates so much wave of excitation. yeah, excitation to cry.. my lips bleed none stop. i have no one to talk, so post.. i post this.. letting the world knows my problem.. knows everything inside me.. argh.... i am so much stressful.................. so much...................................... i can't do my revision for tomorrow's test.

no, my friend (a guy) just mentioned about homework. i am like, 'weyy! i'm stressed out right now....' my eyes.. i guarantee they're like swollen.. eh seriously.... i almost like... gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. but sabar.. that's all i can do...

oh yea, since my bf is sleeping. so i just gonna publish my story just now. so it goes like this. as i arrive at sch, i told my friend that i was traumatize to bring along my bag to school due to the incident that i lost my lovey dovey purpley phone. i've been obsessed toward my phone k? cause nothing gonna replace it. so she asked if i had the phone alr, but then i shook my head. then i said, 'it's okay. sedekah saja the ten buck. just hoping for the phone to be returned'. and my friend said, 'oh my god! how can u be so patience?? if i were u, i'd be like. arghhhh' i said, 'nothing i can dooo...' then another girl who sat the opposite of me saying, 'have u found ur phone?' i said 'no~' then she was like, 'arghh. bagusssss'. i had no idea why she said bagus, hopefully she's being kind and understood my situation. so i went to another friends of me. and talked abt my phone. and they said 'sabar.. sabar..' ya Allah, here came the point i appreciate why these obstacles meant to be in my life. cause people surrounding me started to support me.. i felt so blessed... including those cleaners in school... so blessed... like it's priceless. where would u get this kind of attention unless u're in trouble? thanks Allah for everything. u opened up my mind to move on and try not to cry for what i've lost... even my boyfriend came to see me, to give me his truly purely lovely support. this is the guy who i've been thinking all the time... he understands me well.. he knows me well... he loves and supports me thru thick n' thin... i've been crying in front of him just because i lost my phone.. so touchy! but i love the way he is.... so much.

now i am super duper fine... it's 11.32 pm. 28 minutes to the end of the day... i knew he's not gonna turn around and talk to me.. cause he has gone to sleep few minutes ago.. sorry if you felt guilty as u read these... i dun publish this on the purpose to embarrass u, sayang. i just try to relief myself with the pain deep down inside.. i feel the non-stop burden on me...

i miss you... i love you... happy 22nd monthsary...

p/s: i still accept you at your worst.

lots of love, wassalam.

confession

assalamualaikum and good night to who ever will be reading my blog..

first of all, i am all alone in the middle of the night and surrounded by loneliness and my ASUS laptop. my boyfriend went off to bed earlier at 9.58pm and my family as well around 8pm. as they off to bed, i have gone lost until now. HAHA that's it, typical me. who am i? the owner of Taman Fara (what this question has got to do in this post? LOL). i've been thinking lately, how did i pass so many tests in my life ever since i lost my dad for the past few years? how did i go through my miserable life? how did i overcome my problems with people who loves or hates me? how did i survive after i lose my friends? how did i work out to love biology today? how how how and how? well, Allah knows the best 'cause he gives me all i need today. anything happens for a reason. i am thankful that Allah gives me chance(s) to breathe, to move and to love. i do love what ever i used to have and what i do have now.

1) i have Allah! the only way to survive in life is to remember He is watching and listening 24/7. so always be thankful and always not to forget He is there for us :)
 2) i have my family! my family always on crisis in any matters, either its a small/huge. but i LOVE them so strong (yeah, that sounds weird) but yes, the word 'strong' (i mean it). i have nothing to describe about my family, because they're too perfect to be described and proud of.

3) i have my boyfriend! easy to say, he is an easy-going guy, understanding, handsome (HELL YES! for me), patience and sweet (or should i say romantic) and manja~ oh my, he's so manja than i am (anywhere i go, i can see girls are more manja than guys). forget about manja thing, let's talk about my boyfriend (oh, i love to talk about him). where can i start? well, i know him from this app (not gonna mention the exact name of the app) and Alhamdulillah, he ain't like any other guy who tends to cheat on me or do wrong things to me (and in sha Allah, he will not). been knowing him and made ourselves as bro-&-sis for about 3 months plus and eventually, we are stuck in a relationship until today because we fell in love without us noticing time flies so fast at and it's time for us to move on  together because we started to get use to one another. it has been 1 year plus with him, met him several times already. he is a helpful person and positive thinker! he easily controls his self-esteem, unlike me (my self-esteem is like 24/7 activated and i may 'pop' out to be ego every time he does a small mistake or huge, either it is my fault or not and out of nowhere go mad and insane so bad and blame him for nothing 'cause he did nothing wrong most of the time). i am so proud of you, sayang! you really stick to me and entertain my ridiculous stories or gossips and you are always there through thick n' thin with me. oh my, Alhamdulillah ya Allah for lending me a guy who stands straight for me. may this relationship lasts longer until Jannah. amin.....

4) friend(s)! i can't say i don't have any. i do have a LOT! whoa! there are many of them. they are all my good friends, i can't say few are bad or what. they are all good. i did fight over ridiculous matters with my friends but now, i really don't wanna start it AGAIN! because i am in pain once i do wrong. i always being left out even though it wasn't my fault for having a fight with my friends. however, i just look for the right things on them. i try to be good toward them because i am not perfect either to judge.

it's time to go.
wassalam!

Assalamualaikum....

Aku merintih merasakan perih yang ada dalam hati. Kekadang aku merasakan betapa bodohnya aku mencampuri urusan orang sedangkan, aku hanya ingin mengetahui jalan yang terbaik untuk berdepan dengan situasi begitu rupa dari seorang yang lebih matang. Ternyata aku yang merasakan pedasnya. Aku kesunyian tanpa teman untuk bicara. Baru cakap sedikit, sudah dibalas dengan cili. I have no shoulder to cry on. I have no mercy and that's stated by someone that i love. I have no one to spit out how i feel when i'm on fight. These are because of my stupidity in shaping myself. How i wish to be someone that is even better than i am. But a lie must be destroying every single thing that i wish. This is who i am. It's up to you to stand with it or not. someone that has given me 'spicy' advice has reminded me not to judge people easily. Yes, i am that fool to interfere when i wish to learn and not to judge. This blog will be published till the end of my life. To readers, sorry for any wrong doings that i had done either its on purpose or not. Thanks for your comments, no matter wether its a negative or positive comment, ill be appreciating it :)

Taman Ku

assalamualaikum semua :)
aku tahu setiap insan di atas muka bumi-Nya ini mempunyai perasaan. orang gila pun ada perasaan. lain orang, lainlah hatinya. tapi yang nyata, manusia ini lemah. setiap orang tidak ada jaminan dalam hidupnya untuk sentiasa bernasib baik. termasuklah aku. aku cuba faham keadaan sekeliling ku. entahlah kenapa sebak yang datang tanpa di undang malam ini. kesunyian yang datang tanpa ku pinta terus menerus membuatkan aku tertekan. sampai sini sajalah kut..

wassalam

Selamat Berkenalan

assalamualaikum.
 for now, i've got no idea what i should include in my blog since this is my very first time.
anything you want me to include, you may leave some comments :)

that's all. thank you.